Baki The Grappler is the best comic in the world. Probably. I can´t actually read most of it, because it´s in Japanese and my nihongo is only about good enough to translate certain key words - ´Danger!´ ´Victory!´ ´Guillotine Choke!´ - and I´ve never bothered to try figuring the rest out. Also, it´s criminally under-represented in the Manga-loving West - even though it runs to two seasons of 40-odd issues each, plus a softcore erotica special that I can´t quite bring myself to buy, it never gets more than a cursory mention in the sorts of histories of the artform that wet themselves over stuff like Barefoot Gen.
Not that it matters. Here´s the plot, condensed and as far as I can work it out: there´s this kid called Baki. He fucking loves fighting, and fights all the time. His dad's the best fighter in the entire world and a master of every single fighting style, and his half-brother - sired during the Vietnam war, by the looks of things - is a steroid-addled maniac. The first twenty or so volumes of the comic sort of skirt around this, and the artwork's still evolving, so those with limited cash/rucksack-space might want to skip them, because the best bit happens when they go to The Tournament.
This is what happens at the tournament: the 32 best fighters in the world - plus reserves - spend a combined total of about a thousand pages beating the shit out of each other.
Baki wins, obv.
But it's amazing. If you were brought up on Western comics, you're probably used to Batman throwing unrealistic roundhouses at thugs who contort like shop dummies - this does not happen in Baki The Grappler. Every panel's drawn with a sort of frightening devotion to muscular human anatomy - if I was a tedious Late Show panelist I'd probably call it homoerotic - and the imaginatively, horrible ways you could distort it if you were really good at hitting/strangling people. Favourite moments? How about the bit where Jack Hammer realises that the aikido master's using his strength against him, so he approaches really slowly and then bites through his forearm? Or the Russian wrestler bloke suplexing an anaconda? Or Baki's dad kicking a man in the groin so hard that it inverts his entire ribcage? It's absolutely astonishing, and all comics that aren't Baki The Grappler should be ashamed of themselves.
That is all.
domingo, 4 de março de 2007
sábado, 3 de março de 2007
I Have A New Favourite Way To Strangle People
Two exciting things happened yesterday.
1. I bought a new gi. It´s blue, and my mum always tells me I should wear more blue because it brings out my eyes, so she should be pleased.
2. I learned a new way to strangle people!
My old favourite way to strangle people was the guillotine choke - it´s quick and efficient, and you can sort of do it while you´re standing up, but pulling off it mostly relies on the person you´re fighting being a fucking idiot, and I´m fighting less and less of them these days.
Another good way to strangle people is the rear naked choke - or to give it its butch Brazilian name, the Mata Leao (lion killer) - because the other person can´t hit you while you´re doing it, but setting it up´s sort of complicated and if you´re that much better than the other person you could just punch them in the head or something.
My new favourite way to strangle people is the Anaconda, and it´s totally wicked. Known as the Gator Roll (a name I sort of prefer) in America, it gets that title from the fact that after you´ve grabbed your opponent´s head (and arm) as they shoot in on you, you torque your body (and theirs) in the manner of an alligator trying to drown Mick Dundee. Then, once you´ve thrashed about a bit, you sort of shuffle in towards them until their head feels like it´s going to come off. Brilliant!
Some people might say that it´s weird toi have a favourite way of strangling people, but those people are just jealous. Make no mistake, yo - if you come in at me with your head down and your arm all floppy, you are getting chizzoked the fuck out. I´ll make you tap like Ginger Rodgers. Word!
Note: in order not to cause offence, I should probably point out that I don´t really advocate strangling people. In fact, none of the above techniques are even strangles - they cut off your carotid arteries, not your windpipe, so they´re technically chokes. But I like the word ´´strangle´ and the Brazilians call them éstrangular, so that´s the way it stays. What am I, an English teacher?
1. I bought a new gi. It´s blue, and my mum always tells me I should wear more blue because it brings out my eyes, so she should be pleased.
2. I learned a new way to strangle people!
My old favourite way to strangle people was the guillotine choke - it´s quick and efficient, and you can sort of do it while you´re standing up, but pulling off it mostly relies on the person you´re fighting being a fucking idiot, and I´m fighting less and less of them these days.
Another good way to strangle people is the rear naked choke - or to give it its butch Brazilian name, the Mata Leao (lion killer) - because the other person can´t hit you while you´re doing it, but setting it up´s sort of complicated and if you´re that much better than the other person you could just punch them in the head or something.
My new favourite way to strangle people is the Anaconda, and it´s totally wicked. Known as the Gator Roll (a name I sort of prefer) in America, it gets that title from the fact that after you´ve grabbed your opponent´s head (and arm) as they shoot in on you, you torque your body (and theirs) in the manner of an alligator trying to drown Mick Dundee. Then, once you´ve thrashed about a bit, you sort of shuffle in towards them until their head feels like it´s going to come off. Brilliant!
Some people might say that it´s weird toi have a favourite way of strangling people, but those people are just jealous. Make no mistake, yo - if you come in at me with your head down and your arm all floppy, you are getting chizzoked the fuck out. I´ll make you tap like Ginger Rodgers. Word!
Note: in order not to cause offence, I should probably point out that I don´t really advocate strangling people. In fact, none of the above techniques are even strangles - they cut off your carotid arteries, not your windpipe, so they´re technically chokes. But I like the word ´´strangle´ and the Brazilians call them éstrangular, so that´s the way it stays. What am I, an English teacher?
Assinar:
Postagens (Atom)