Vega Is A Fucking Cheat

Something I seem to have been talking to people about recently is that Vega is a fucking cheat. It’s easy to confuse this with other arguments, so let’s be clear: I’m not arguing that Vega is a massive ponce (he is) or an annoying character to play against (also true) or that I don’t like him (I don’t, but only in the same way I don’t like pantomime villains, ie I am aware that they need to exist). No. My problem with Vega is something else.

He’s allowed a fucking claw?

Seriously, how is that okay? Everybody else in the Street Fighter tournament is fighting with their hands and feet, and Vega not only wears a mask (to protect his beautiful face) but has a big, sharpened metal claw, like Mr Han from Enter The Dragon. Even Chun Li (who tends to fight Vega in the official adaptations, partly as a juxtaposition of her strong femininity against his perceived effeminacy, partly because he’s practically a rapist) takes issue with this in the comic version:

‘Your claw attacks are cheap and cowardly’.

And Vega responds:

‘How dare you? You’re in a world where desire and honour are the same, where the strong eat the weak.’

Which is all very well, Vega, except that using a claw sort of suggests that you’re the weak. And anyway, you’ll be pleased to hear that it’s at this point she learns the ki-ko-ken and fireballs him in his fucking face. A more sensible defence of Vega’s behaviour - used by everyone I talk to - is:

The other characters can do fireballs or make themselves electric. Vega can’t, so he needs something to even the odds up.

Which is clearly bullshit, and the reason I’m so upset. See, a claw isn’t too bad, but with this sort of evening-things-up morality you’ve got the thin end of a philosophical wedge that later allows sticks (Eagle), Chains (Birdie) and Sai (Sodom). Then, finally, you’ve got Rolento, who carries a baton and a knife, throws grenades and keeps a posse of guerillas above the playing area with a hook and a piano wire garotte. He's basically everything that's wrong about fighting games, and it's all Vega's fault.



Prick.